Jon Cryer--who will always be Duckie to me--has written "So That Happened: A Memoir" that releases to the world on April 7th. I was never a fan of "Two and a Half Men"--shows with laugh tracks almost always make me grind my teeth involuntarily.
OK, the blonde (Andrea Bogart) is hot but I still fucking hate laugh tracks. Isn't it just hilarious that Sheen's character chooses to not bother to learn the name of the woman he picks up off of the beach? According to the laugh track, we are supposed to think so. Women aren't dangerous or anything so it's totally fine that hot piece of ass Gretchen is on her way up the stairs without either men knowing anything about her.
Anyway, Cryer's book is coming out and The Hollywood Reporter debuted excerpts from it. The part that I found of interest was Cryer's info on co-star/noted porn hound Charlie Sheen's porn habits.
First off, Cryer describes hiding some of it from Sheen's later ex Denise Richards:
"One day during the first season of Two and a Half Men, I got a knock on my trailer door. It was Charlie — my trailer was next to his — and he seemed panicked.
"Dude! Dude! I need your help." "Sure thing," I said and ended the cellphone call I was on. "What’s going on?"
He handed me a heavy shopping bag. "Denise is coming over," he said, "and I need you to hide something for me." Oh, boy, I thought. If this is drug paraphernalia …
"Is it legal?" I asked. "What? Yeah, oh, yeah. It’s legal. Hey, thanks." He left, and I had to look.
By legal, he meant barely legal. The bag was filled to the brim with porn.
Curiosity getting the best of me, I had to find out what kind of porn captivates Charlie Sheen, what decadence frightens him into having me squirrel it away for him. Clowns? Golden-shower pictorials? German scat porn starring Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke? I was prepared for the weirdest, but it really was all pretty tame, some of it just topless mags. Really, if this was the worst I’d have to deal with regarding Charlie’s vices, bring on the bags of porn for me to hide."
That all sounds OK. Wait for it....it does get weird later on during Sheen's infamous meltdown that no one on this planet was allowed to miss out on.
"When Charlie's marriage to Denise ended during the second season, both Charlie and I became single at the same time. Which was … interesting.
We'd have conversations, and he'd mention that things were going well for him romantically. "Romantically" is my choice of words, not his.
Then, as if to prove this, he'd show me a picture he'd taken of somebody's vagina. It was always a perfectly nice-looking vagina, but I would invariably think, "Why just this, and not the rest of the person?" And what do you say in that moment? Thank you for that vagina picture? How long have you been seeing … it? Please tell me she was awake?"
So yeah, I am not shocked at all that Sheen felt the need to reduce women to being vagina support systems at that point in his life. A lot of men in bad relationships do and having had my cleavage and/or ass stared at by men in Hollywood, I can tell you that I definitely have been reduced to my parts by some of this city's men just like the rest of the women I know who live here. Looking is fine, no problem. Enjoy. Hell, I always do.
What sucks for Sheen is that he was just bad enough of a friend/co-star that good ol' Duckie felt the need to bust him out in the open on it. Maybe Duckie is just bitter that the stress and media harassment that Sheen put him through during the storied Sheen freak out? (Tiger blood!) Unnamed ho vagina over bros is certainly how it stands in Cryer's world, it seems. Cryer made a lot of money off of the unknown vaginas who walked up the stairs of that fake house with Sheen on the comedy. It just was not funny anymore when Sheen showed quite directly those unnamed images as what he--and really, "Two and a Half Men" as a show--were reducing women to. It's not fun to think of yourself as being part of a problem, is it, Duckie? It's got to be even harder when you might be trying to recant the show's message now when you are trying to get future acting gigs.
Here's Brandy Aniston. She has a very nice looking vagina....and a name and a face and tits and all kinds of other stuff that I wrote about in that interview I linked to. Knowing names is way more fun than not, most of the time.
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