"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (The CIA)

*Warning:PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Is BIG PEANUT responsible for the Zika Virus in Brazil?
My guest today is star of screen, stage, and film...Peter Pan


Hi, everybody!


Mr Pan, can I call you peter?


I'd love it!


Thank you, Peter. Is your company responsible for cooking up a virus in a lab in order to steal Brazilian nuts?


Don't answer him Peter.


Hey, is that Tinkerbell?


He's asking too many questions, Peter. You're going to have to kill him like you did all the others.


Wait, I didn't ask but one question.


One question, huh? The CIA doesn't have to answer your questions, Finkle.


The CIA? Is the CIA behind the Zika Virus?


You're askin' for it, Finkle!


No, no, wait..if I stop this blog right now, can you answer if I'm in any danger?


The CIA doesn't harm it's citizens, Finkle...and you can't prove that we did.


So I'm safe?


Do you have a peanut allergy?


No.


Hmm, wanna keep it that way?


Yes.


Now get to your commercial, Finkle.


This blog was brought to you by Maury's House of Bagels. When you think Maury...think bagels.


Don't ask Peter Pan any more questions, Finkle.

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Zika Virus)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Is the Zika Virus a bio-weapon created in a lab to attack Brazil?
My guest today is Mr. Salty.


I'm not Mr. Salty, I'm Mr. Peanut.


Are you? Well who's Mr. Salty?


That's the pretzel guy. I've always been Mr. Peanut.


So, are you responsible for the Zika Virus?


Why on Earth would I create a virus, Finkle?


For the nuts!


Oh...somethings nuts alright...but it's not me, Finkle.


It has to be a bio-weapon. There was no such thing as a Zika virus for hundreds and hundreds of years and then before the Olympics, there's a life altering threat in the country.


Planters Nuts is a proud company that looks after the well being of all it's customers, Finkle.

Now, did you ask Peter Pan?


No?...why?


I'm not saying that guys not playing with a full deck, he's kid that doesn't age and he makes peanut butter. I'm not saying he could be the Zika guy, but he does hang out with a fairy...


Oh, yeah.


I don't judge, mind you...but in my day, we didn't let fairies in the factory. They worked in the mail room and answered the phones. You should look into that, Finkle.


Yeah...I will. Do you think I'm onto a real Conspiracy this time, Mr. Salty?


What the fuck did you call me?


I mean, Mr. Peanut.
Tune in next time when my guest will be Peter Pan.

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Eminent Domain)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Is Eminent Domain stealing land from innocent people for big corporations?
Before I start, I'd like to apologize to Maury at Maury's House Of Bagels for sending the Terminator to his restaurant to look for Sarah Conner. How was I suppose to know you had an employee named Sarah Conner working there?
What's the odds in that?

You did what?


Oh, my guest today is the legendary Mickey Mouse, ladies and gentlemen.


Yes, sir! Haha!..I'm glad to be here.


It was a harmless mistake you understand.



Haha! I make a few mistakes myself. Like that time I built Euro Disney. I never met a more miserable bunch of savages in my life.


I love Euro Disney.



Do you know how many houses I had to Eminent Domain to get that thing done?


How many?


None!...I'm Mickey Mouse, bitch. They gave me the land.


I heard you had to pay millions of dollars for that?


You heard that, huh? Haha! Did you hear it takes 40 Polish guys to screw in a light bulb?


No.


Well, it doesn't...it's 12...see that's what Eminent Domain gives me. The right to tell Polish jokes.


Ah, that's not that it does.


Hey, how do you say "Everybody's got Herpes" in Italian?


How?


Olive Garden.

See, Eminent Domain makes me the boss. And I do what I want.


What if people protest you, Mickey?


Plan B.


What's Plan B?


I'm not tellin' ya! Haha.


Ok, so you're saying Eminent Domain is bad?


Haha! I love it. Go get me one of those bagels will 'ya?


Maury's Bagels?


Yeah, haha! He's ok, right?


Yes, but Sarah Conner had better days.

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (POLLS)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Are POLLS manipulating the public? And can you trust them?
My guest today is star of several movies, The Terminator.

Call me 83506, Terminator was my father. I am looking for Sarah Conner.

Sure, sure, tell me 83506...do you believe in POLLS?

The inferior robo-call machines dial your house on Lan-line phones. And those that answer are the body of how humans judge answers. But not cellphones.

Why not cellphones, 83506?

Because you might get young people and minorities answering your question.

What?

I am looking for Sarah Conner.

I'll tell you where she is later. So, who's answering these POLLS?

Old and feeble humans. They are obsolete. Must kill all humans.

Now now, 83506. Why are they using POLLS in the first place?

Because, you can't put a gypsy on television with a crystal ball and call it news. I am looking for Sarah Conner.

So, what you're saying is, we actually should never listen to POLLS because they're not representative of real people?

Interview too long. Must kill. Must kill.

 Hey, Sarah Conner is at Maury's House of Bagels. They close at 6 o'clock.

83506 hates bagels. Maury must die. Kill all humans.

Good guy, a little one sided. But, good guy.

*This show has a 3% chance plus or minus of being funny. Read with caution*

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Dead Scientist)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle, and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Is the CIA killing the worlds scientist to keep America a super power?
My guess today is renowned Astro-physicist Neil Degrasse Tyson. Thanks for coming here to day Mr. Tyson.

Don't use my real name for this. Just call me Mister X.


Ah, I already told them your name.


Damnit! Ok...ok...Let's make this quick. I don't know who reads this blog. Who's reading it anyway?


I dunno, people who can read I guess.


Other scientist aren't on your "friends list" are they?


You seem worried Neil.


Worried? No...it's only scientist are dying under mysterious circumstances in the past 15 years. Why would I be worried.


So, you think the US government is killing scientist?


Government? No, who said anything about government?


So, who do you think is killing these scientist?

Hello guys.


Oh, hi Michio.


What are guys talking about?


Nothing.


Oh, what have you told them, Neil?


Nothing.


You remember the meeting don't you, Neil?


Yes.


Bubble gum...December...Maple syrup...


I understand.



Hey, what're you two talking about over there?


We must be going Mr Finkle. There's a woman in Oklahoma recently discovered how to build a car that runs on oxygen.


Wow, that's terrific! What's her name?


Oh, don't bother learning it. She'll be dead in a few hours. Have a nice day Mr Finkle.


Ah...well, thanks for coming Neil.


Help me...


Today's show was brought to you by Maury's House Of Bagels. When you think Maury, think bagels.