"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Hampstead Christ Church)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

Hello, Maury? Look I need to talk to you about a blog show I want to do and I want to run it pass 'ya?

I don't know, Frank. You already said our building caught on fire, you sent a Terminator to our place to kill Sarah Conner, and there was three times you didn't even mention us at all!

I know, I know, sorry about that. Listen, the new show is going to be a pedophile cult.

A what?!!!

A pedophile cult called the Hampstead Christ Church.

Why would I want my bagel company associated with a pedophile church?

I know, but I can't do this blog without you Maury.

And another thing, why the Hell are you using Disney characters? You're going to get us sued!

Well, you see, Disney characters get my point across in a way that other ways can't.

I'm not approving anything about a pedophile cult, Frank.

Ok...I guess I'll think up another idea for a Conspiracy Theory blog for my next show.

Yeah! And mention our name next time!

Will do...Will do.

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Planned Obsolescence)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Are corporations stealing your money by PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE?
My guest today is...hey are you ok over there, Goofy?

I can't open this picture box you got here. I think you need to buy a new one.

Yeah, well...those things cost money. Just try harder.

Gosh, this isn't easy. You really need to buy a new picture box.

Well, I'll talk to you through the box. How you. Goofy?

Got it! I'm out! Hello everybody!

There's no everybody, Goofy. It's just me.

What about your audience?

I got good news, and I got bad news.


Gosh...What's the good news?

People still read my blog show.


What's the bad news?

It's only 6 people.

Gosh! You must not be doing something right. Maybe, this show had an expiration date on it?

Expiration date?

You betcha! Like a computer or a toaster or a washer and dryer. See, manufacturers build things so they run just little bit, so you have to but it again later in a few years.

What?

But. that won't happen to Disney, though. That's a corporation that won't cheat 'ya.

Really?

Yeah, Disney knows it sells you crap the minute you buy it. And they don't care if you buy it ever again.

Say, wait a minute? Are we talking about Planned Obsolescence?


Hey now? You don't think we're letting the cat out the bag do 'ya?

No, not at all. In fact, I think the 6 people who read this blog show will find it very informative.


Boy, if I had only 6 readers, I'd find something else to write about.

ANYWAY....thanks for doing my show blog-blog show, Goofy.


It's been a pleasure. See 'ya later kids! And spend money!

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Flying Cars)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Will we ever have FLYING CARS in America?
My guest today is Sargent Bacon of the LAPD. How do you do Sargent Bacon?

I'm fine. You say you wanna talk about flying cars, eh?

Yes. As a law officer, do you think we're going to have flying cars?

No, no we're not.

(RING RING)

Excuse me. Hello, LAPD here...your house is being robbed? Ok, what's your name?
Maria Sanchez, huh?...you got the wrong number.

Now as I was sayin'. Flying cars would make law enforcement very troublesome. How would we stop minorities for drugs, or stop minorities for guns, or stop minorities for looking like they might have drugs and guns?

Won't the police have flying cars too?

The city is broke, Finkle! We're not gettin' no flyin'...

(RING RING)

Excuse me. Hello, LAPD?...Yeah...cats in the tree?...and what's your name?...Sarah Ann Bennington?
Yes ma'am, I'll send somebody down immediately...Oh no, thank you..

Now, as I was sayin'

Hey, wait a minute, you told some woman she had a wrong number and her house was being robbed and you sent somebody down when a cat was in a tree?

Yeah. I know...It's the mayors' new F*ck You policy when it comes to the city. If they sound like they have a Democratic name, we don't help them. Now, about those flying cars...

Wait, wait, that's barbaric! That kind of thinking went out of style in America in the 1970's, Sargent Bacon!

Well, tell me this? How do you expect people to get flying cars in 2016, if  America is still trying to fight the people in cars since 1910?

(RING RING)

Excuse me. Hello, LAPD? Yes....Maury's Bagels is on fire?...I'm on my way! Sorry to cut this short, Finkle. This is an emergency.

I see. Well I suppose in his own way, he explained why America will never have flying cars. Goodnight.