Poll any room of people anonymously, and 95 percent will tell you they've fantasized about having a threesome of some kind. More folks than you'd think have already had one. (You're looking at cubicle mate right now, aren't you?) There are a million ways to go about it—you could be the random third for an existing couple, or you could invite someone into bed with you and your partner. You could opt for a female/female/male affair, or instead shoot for a hot and heavy male/male/female. Hell, you could pick two friends at random and get something going. Any way you slice it, threesomes are undeniably sexy and exciting.
Here's the thing, though—the hardest part isn't convincing your significant other to get on board. The hardest part is making sure everyone stays safe and disease free throughout the process. Getting busy with more than one other person is crazy hot, but it carries more risk than sex within the confines of a relationship. That said, it's not impossible to set yourself up for success here. Take a cue from the people who get it on more than anyone else in the world: porn stars.
Fuck Like a Porn Star
Adult performers know how to keep themselves safe. After all, their livelihood (and health) demands it. So what do they do? They get STI tested every two weeks. You likely won't need to that often, but you get the idea: They get tested. All. The. Time. Condoms, while fantastic for preventing pregnancy, doesn't do a whole lot to keep you safe from the STIs finger, toys, cocks, fists, and more can transfer. You need a more substantial game plan.
So to start, there is the unavoidable: There is no such thing as a 100 percent safe threesome. Or foursome. Or twosome. Or fivesome. You get the idea. Condoms can break, people can lie, etc. etc. So from now on, we'll be talking about a safer threesome. Are you ready?
1. Exchange tests
The BEST, first thing you should do if you're considering a threesome is have all parties tested, just like porn stars do. It can be done in a same-day format and is often free. If you're sure no one has an STD (and you can trust them or have seen verified documentation), you're already way ahead of the game. It will allow for the most uninhibited experience, as latex protection gets complicated with more than two people involved.
One thing to keep in mind: The more frequently you get tested, the better. Keep your documentation on you, whether that's in the form of a digital copy or a paper one. If you're making sexy time with other responsible people like you, they'll have those too, and you'll be able to verify cleanliness in 60 seconds or less. (There's even a fancy app to make this easier.) Regardless of your planning skills, there are a few things to keep in your bedside table just in case:
- Flavored condoms
- Flavored dental dams
- Regular condoms
- Female condoms
- Lube
- Have I mentioned lube is great?
All of the above will help in a pinch when you don't have the time or resources to verify anyone. It may not be as sexy, but you know what? It's still sexier than spending time with your BFF Jill.
Generally speaking, your STI test will reflect your status for HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. The kicker is always herpes—it's relatively impossible to test for without existing sores, and it can lie dormant for years. Be extra careful to double check your partners' bods for this. It's not a fail-proof test, of course, but it's much better than taking a shot in the dark (literally).
So pony up. Find your nearest STD clinic (many have snackz, what up), and get used to going. If you have many different partners, go frequently. If you are usually monogamous, go after each partner. Keep your results on you. And expect the same caliber of care from your partners. After all, it's 2015.
2. Try female condoms
Many people wonder about protection in FFM threesomes, and rightfully so. If the guy is wearing a condom and switching vaginas, the women are contaminated with each other's juices almost immediately. Don't worry, though—there's a condom for that.
If you want to be doubly safe or aren't quite sure when someone was last tested, you can use female condoms. They'll stay in both ladies bodies and protect them from each other and the dude. (Obligatory fancy video about female condoms.) This doesn't, however, protect from the fluids transferred when involved parties are going down on each other. In those situations, you would need to use dental dams and/or flavored male condoms. Have I mentioned that getting tested (and showing proof) is a great idea?
3. Wash your hands
This is polite before you insert your fingers into any orifice ever. Your mother taught you manners, didn't she? That is all.
4. Leave the lights on
Leaving the lights on is awesome in threesomes for several reasons. First of all, it helps you double check each other's bods for undetected sores, bruises, open wounds, and more. It's also super hot. You went through the pain of setting up a threesome, right? Soak it up! Glance upon that double BJ! You've earned it!
One other note for couples, FWBs, or other partners who consistently have sex: You may already be having unprotected sex because you know you're both clean. This is called fluid bonding, and it's an awesome level of trust and intimacy to establish! If you or your partner has sex with other people, you've probably established ground rules (such as always using condoms with everyone else). If you decide to use latex protection in your threesome with your third, however, it's a good idea to use it with each other as well. It's much harder to mitigate your risk of STI transmission when you two aren't using any barriers (not to mention your guest will feel like a third wheel).
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