I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
MIKE HUCKABEE: Is he controlled by space aliens?
Thank you for coming to the studio, Mike.
"My pleasure. I always like to sit down and talk to my fellow Americans."
"I have many ideas about how to make America great, again. And it's all in my book God, Grits, and Gravy."
"I believe that ALL of our problems can be fixed with one or the other. Sometimes both."
All of our problems? What about immigration?
"Grits...if you see an immigrant, pour some grits on him. First, he'll wonder what it is we're doing, but after awhile, he'll think that I should leave this country before they eat me."
But we don't eat people in America.
"Ok, guns...we just shoot them."
You want to shoot innocent women and children?
"Well, the only thing left is gravy. And if you didn't like my Grits idea, you'll love this one. We put gravy up their ass."
We do what?
"We catch an immigrant and put gravy up his ass. After awhile, they figure this country is full of people who run around putting gravy up my ass and they'll leave."
I don't think...ah, by the way, why are you wearing that hat?
"I want my supporters to know that I'm not controlled by aliens. Be they from Mexico, Russia, or Alpha Centori Four...for example of course. I have nothing against the Alpha Centori people, you understand. My hat is just to keep those Martians from sending me messages."
What kind of messages?
"Mostly about Grits, Gravy and Beyonce' music videos.... world domination...but mostly about grits and gravy."
You heard it here first! Mike Huckabee wears hats to keep Martians from sending him grits and gavy messages. But, he's NOT controlled by the Alpha Centori, even though I here they have an excellent pickle salad recipe.
My name is Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
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