"Finkle Witch" (CONSPIRACY THEORY)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO presentation*


Hello! And welcome to a new edition to the Finkle family, FINKLE WITCH. I hope you enjoy the new joke writers we've lined up for you. Of course, to give you our thanks for reading, we'd like you to enjoy a VINTAGE EPISODE of one of the very first Lou Finkle broadcast.


My name is Lou Finkle...and THIS is Conspiracy Theory.

I have to apologize to Mr. Singh when I said he was trying to poison me with chicken curry in his restaurant three weeks ago. I looked it up on the internet, where I get all my information from, and I found out you can't actually kill anyone that way. I would say I was being racist, but you're not Black so...
Today we're going to talk about if Wall Street is secretly hacking into my bank account and taking money out.

Now, I talk to my wife about a few things I may have bought from time-to-time and she asked me if I spent $200 dollars at Geisha House massage emporium.

I told her "What! Why would I be seen in a place like that?"
Yes, it may be on I-95 next to the KFC where I eat lunch on Mondays.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN I BEEN THERE.

Yes, they may take credit cards from what I'm told.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN I BEEN THERE.

Yes, they may know how to fix my sciatica with this special rubbing oil in the cabinet on the right of the cash register.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN I BEEN THERE.

And I read the stock market was loosing money in the news, when I dawned on me, maybe Wall Street was secretly going into my bank account and taking small amounts away that I'll never notice.
And I told her that, and she started to pick up the phone and wanted to call the Geisha House. Now, I told her those women don't speak English...I mean...they probably don't speak English very well and what would be the point of calling them.

I said "Put down the phone and let's go out to eat. I want to go to Burrito Burger."

Now, you haven't been to Burrito Burger, but they have this burger that looks like a burrito and it's delicious. And it's my wife's favorite place, so I said it to get her mind off this crazy thought about calling up those women at....not that I know they're all women...at the Geisha House.
And I told her it was Wall Street hacking into our bank account. And those diabolical bastards are doing it every Saturday night at 8 p.m. when I 'm at church.

I have no idea how they know I'm at church every Saturday night. They must have been following me for weeks to monitor my habits.
So, we closed the bank account so nothing like this would ever happen again.

I hear about this Ashley Madison hacking is going on, too. If you're smart, closing your bank account will help protect yourself (and your marriage) from Wall Street.