"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (John Titor)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Was there a time traveler in America going by the name of JOHN TITOR?
Now, myself personally, I want to believe there was a man who came from the year 2038 to get his great grandfather's IBM computer to stop the Y2K virus.

Oh, brother. What kind of show is this?



Sorry, Buzz. Our guest today is star of the movie Toy Story, Buzz Lightyear!

Thank you, thank you, everyone stay seated.


Now, Buzz...what is your take on John Titor?

You mean, besides the fact that everything about this guy sounds made up?
He's from the future, huh?


Yes. He was interviewed on a chat room in 1998 and took questions explaining everything. And I have the pictures of the time machine right here, see...


Where's the on switch?

What?

Who made it? Where was it made? And a better question...you say he took pictures of his time machine?

Yeah?


Where's the pictures of him?
You mean, he traveled all the way from the future to tell a bunch of idiots on the internet that he exist. He takes pictures of his machine, tells you how it works in vague details, but in all that time, doesn't take a record himself on video or takes so much as a selfie?

I know this sounds like a hoax.

I wish we had a scientist with an opinion about this.

Hello, I have an opinion.

Oh, Hi. It's Professor Michio Kaku.

You see, to even announce you are from the future would be to alter the linear time line. Even if there are an infinite number of realities, you will be linked to just one, your own. And once you tell people you have for-knowledge of what is to come, then industries and governments would find you to ask questions.
And your answers would alter history.

He said there's going to be a Civil War and a nuclear explosion.

In what city?

He didn't say.

That's odd, in America we remember little things like that. The Alamo, Oklahoma City, Ferguson, 9/11...why did he stop in 1998 again?

To get a IBM computer from 1975.

Technology? Such simply obsolete technology can be found anywhere. There are pawn shops and museums. And foreign countries still using our technology who might can find a 1975 IBM computer. Even if they couldn't, they could just recreate one.

Thank you Professor.

So, what am I chopped liver now?


And thank you, Buzz Lightyear for coming on the show.
And be sure to try Maury's House Of Bagels...when you think Maury, think bagels.

Seriously, what kind of show is this?

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Michael Hastings)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this my Conspiracy Theory.
Did the FBI kill Michael Hastings?
Now, as you know, Michael Hastings was a journalist who told us about PsyOps and how the American government is using a psychological weapon against the enemy, but when Congressmen visited Iraq, like Al Franken, the government used this weapon on the Congressmen.
My guest today is star of the movie Cars, Lighting McQueen.

Whoa, why am I here, again?

We're going to talk about the death of Michael Hastings.

I thought we were going to talk about my hatred for Bill Maher.

You hate Bill Maher, the talk show host?

I hate him with every bolt in my body. I hate him so much, I wish I could run him over...back up...and run him over again.

Wow, you really do hate that guy.

Oh my God, I fucking hate Bill Maher.

Speaking of hate, Michael Hastings drove his car onto the side of the road and it blew up. Can cars do that?

Oh, yeah...that was murder. Cars don't blow up by just driving really fast and hitting a tree or a building. But, maybe it wasn't the FBI.

Who could it be?

Bill Maher.

What how can he be responsible for the murder?

Oh, he could do it. That son of a bitch could've had it done. Maybe, by Military Intelligence.

Military Intelligence?

Yeah, like the kind Timothy McVeigh was in. You know Oklahoma City was an inside job and Timothy McVeigh is still alive don't you know?

Wait, that's not possible, McQueen.

Oh, you know when they bury cars, you get to see the body and you know exactly where it is. Do you know where McVeigh is buried?

No.

Was there an autopsy?

No.

Then maybe he killed Michael Hastings....I still think it was Bill Maher.


Well, thanks for coming, Lighting McQueen. This show was brought to you by Maury's House Of Bagels. When you think Maury...think bagels. Goodnight everybody!

Fucking Bill Maher.


I've been listen to you assholes the entire time and I just want to say "Fuck the both of you."