Monday, August 31, 2015

Stand Up Reviews: #Moorland

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO presentation*

First of all, I watch a shit ton of movies. So, ya'll can't tell me shit.


Moorland is this thing I saw. And...it's not....good. A camcorder and some college White guys and no script. Let me tell you how I know this. It's another Blair Witch copycat I had to sit through.

You wanna know what it was about? Fuck you, I wanna know what this shit was about, too.

A guy with a camera named Ju, three no nothing friends, a house, a car, and a ghost I guess. I know it wasn't a monster. That would've cost money. And like I said, this cheap ass movie didn't spend any money to even attempt to entertain you.

Thanks to Pirate Radio for showing me this movie for free, but if you ever show me another movie like this I'm going to punch you in the face. You're all a bunch of assholes.

There was a girl in the movie.

She can't show us a tit? It would've kept my attention if she was in the movie butt naked the whole time. I know it was winter, but fuck it.

A hour into it and nobody's dead yet? A whole hour? I wanted to reach through the screen and kill somebody myself just to movie it along.

Hey, the next time you want to show me a movie like this, I want money and...I don't know...some cocaine.

I'm out...

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