"Conspiracy Theory" with Lou Finkle (Moon Landing)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Lou Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Do you believe America went to the moon?
My guess today is the legend we all know, Fred Flintstone. Thanks for coming to our show, Mr. Flintstone.

What is a show?

It's thing we're doing on the internet.

What is internet?

Oh, I forgot. You're a caveman. You don't know about all these things we invented since you were around in your day, Fred. Well, you're on this thing we're doing on a blog to talk about if the Earth is flat and if we went to the moon... You see this bagel?

Yes.

Do you think the Earth is like this bagel?

Yes...it's hollow in the middle. There's where the mole people live. They cheat you out of stuff.

Wait, you believe in mole people?

Yes..who do you think make those bagels?

Maury's House Of Bagels. When you think Maury, think Maury's Bagels.

Does Maury give you a discount?

No.

When you order a baker's dozen, does he give you 13 bagels?

No.

Guess what, the Earth is round. How else can Maury get your money coming and going.

I...ok...I think...

By the way, the moon is made of cream cheese. That's why I believe we went to the moon.

I think that's our show.

9/11 was all about chicken wings!

Turn his mic off.

Pizza Hut killed JFK.

"Conspiracy Theory" with Lou Finkle (Martial Law)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

Hello, I'm Lou Finkle. And this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Do we have to fear Martial Law?
My guess today in the studio is the man himself, Marshal Law...hey where are 'ya?

I'm right here, Lou.

Where?

You can't see me?

No! I can't see you at all, Marshal Law.

Well, I'm always here. I've always been here...I think I know what the problem is. You see, some people refuse to see me. They can look right at me and never see me standing right there in front of them.

I don't know about that, Marshal Law. I mean, I have eyes don't I?

Hahahahaha...let me ask you a question, Lou? Are you a minority?

I never think of myself as one, but aren't we all minorities in a way?

Hmm, but you said you can't see me?

Yeah.

You're not a minority, Lou.
Minorities see me just fine. They've known me all their lives. It's other people...people like yourselves never see. I've been there the whole time.

Are you at Whole Foods?

Ah, that's not how I work. Maybe you're confusing me with the other guy...Major Dick. People like you are really afraid of Major Dick. But,for some reason you keep calling him by my name.
Look, I harass, annoy, intimidate, arrest, and order people around.

And what does Major Dick do?

He gets paid more to do it...he's a real dick, you know.

So, does that mean I'm a racist because I can't see you?

Hmm, are you going to eat that bagel over there? Is that a Maury's bagel? I love Maury's House Of Bagels. When I think Maury, I think bagels.

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Comic Book Movies)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Does Sexism exist in comic book movies? Our guess today is star of comics since 1938, SUPERGIRL.
Thanks for coming to the show Supergirl. How old are you?


Thanks for having me. Hey, where did these bagels come from?


Those are Maury's Bagels. Pretty good, huh?


I can't put them down.


I'll send them the word you liked them. Now, Supergirl...do you mind if I ask you a few questions about being a legend?


Go ahead.


When you use your power, is it to fly up a destroy comets and fight super-villains from world dominance?


No, those writers are all men. They make me smile and fly really fast. Then when I get there, I make a speech. Then I punch something and by then the story is thinning out and it's over. I want people to talk about me the same way they talk about Superman!


How old are you?


I want them to look up and respect my decisions and actions.

How old you?


I want them to wear my t-shirts and watch my movies.


How old are you?


Did I mention how much I love these bagels? Do you want one up your ass?


But, really...you've been around since 1938 and you haven't aged like a regular human. What are you, like 100 now? You were around before Civil Rights and the Equal Rights Amendment. You might have in your mind that the old America is still the best.


No comment.


Yeah, Supergirl...I have some coffee getting cold in the next room. Can you use your heat vision and make it hot again?


Bastard.


So, comic book movies aren't Sexist at all. It's actually the characters themselves keeps themselves back. Much like women who refuse to vote for Hillary Clinton.


Is this what this show was about?


No...I actually wanted somebody to bring me that coffee from the other room. Thanks, sweetheart.

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Restrooms)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Are there child molesters in public restrooms? My guess today is respected reverend Ernest Angley. Thanks for coming Reverend Angley.

Oh, thanks for having me Franks. I just love talk about those children...those wonderful delicious children.


Well, no problem at all. So..ah...do you think there's child molesters in public restrooms?

I can testify in front of you right here, as my witness, that demons are walking around and looking to take out delicious children and do unspeakable things to them. They'll touch them and smell them....and...and...what were we talking about again?


The children.

Oh yes, those delicious children.


I have to ask you Reverend, what made you think there were child molesters in public restrooms in the first place?


I saw the light one night, Franks.


A holy light?

\\

A movie light, I was watching a pornography movie and there is was...filth! Men and boys and candy bars and bubbles. I couldn't focus anymore. I had to watch it two more times to make sure I didn't mistaken what I was seeing...as my witness.


Hey, those movies are illegal Reverend.


Can you feel it?



Feel what?


You need to join our movement, Franks. Can you help us out with a contribution to save these poor delicious children?



I'm afraid that's all the time we have today. This has been brought to you by Maury's House Of  Bagels. When you think of bagels think Maury's Bagels.

Are you still here? Get out you creep.

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (Reptilians)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO presentation*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Are a Reptilian race of people secretly taking over the world? We talk today with know Reptilian...Kermit D. Frog.
Kermit, are reptilians secretly running the governments?

Hii-ho, Kermit D. Frog here, and there's absolutely no truth to the rumor in the least. Why for example, because of this crazy talk, they canceled our show The Muppets on ABC.

Did they?


Yes, I can only blame one man for this.

Who? The Obama?


No...what?
No, I blame the Reptile overlord for taking us off the air....Steve Harvey.

Holy crap! Steve Harvey is the Reptile overlord?


Yes, it was him all along trying to manipulate the media to his own devilish desires. If you need to take anyone off the air, it should be Steve Harvey...yeah.

Well, you heard right here first on Pirate Radio, that Steve Harvey, star of Family Feud and The Steve Harvey Show is secretly trying to take over the world with mind control!
Speaking of control, stop by Maury's House Of Bagels. When you think bagels, think Maury's Bagels.


I will.

Thank you for dropping by Kermit. I'm Frank Finkle, and this was my Conspiracy Theory.