Interview with a Werewolf (COMEDY)

Every culture in the history of man has had humans who could transform themselves into a "werewolf".
From the Native Americans to the smallest tribes of Polynesia, the werewolf has had mysterious trends that come and go. Today, we talk to one of the stars of stage and screen...Shakespear the Werewolf.

Thank you for having this interview with me.

Listen, don't call me by my name. I'll change back to human and it's a b*tch to change over again.


What should I call you?

Oh, anything. I like Lenny...You can call me Lenny.

Alright, Lenny it is. How do you feel about current horror movies?

I've been waiting 80 years for somebody to ask me that. I hate what Hollywood has done to me. When I started children ran from me, women grabbed their boyfriends, men never knew how to fight me, so they all just ran. Now, I'm a Halloween joke. "Oh, you wanna be a wolf-man? Was the store out of the good costumes?". Or I hear "Oh, are you a wolf-man or is there a Gypsy convention in town?". And that hurts too. I like Gypsies.

So, you think werewolves are getting short changed?

I seen what you people call werewolves nowadays. Those ain't even wolves. You get a horror movie and it's about those zombies or those damn vampires. Some son-of-a-b*tch did a Godzilla movie and it didn't even have Godzilla in it.

You hated that movie?

They could have given him new powers. In 1968 he could fly. Hell, it's 2014! They could have made a machine to talk to the bastard. Sh*t, they talk to dolphins don't they? You mean that scientist in Japan are too busy to make a machine to talk to a damn lizard walking around Tokyo?


What would Godzilla say?

He's a 70 foot damn lizard. He can say whatever he damn well please.

Come to think of it, I didn't know werewolves talked?

Talk, walk, smoke, in fact...before you sat down, I called my wife and told her to heat up that lasagna from last night.

Ah...I thought werewolves ate people?

That's racist! Zombies eat people. Vampires suck your blood.

So, what do werewolves do?

I'm doing it now ain't I? Werewolves are just regular people. We get angry like everyone else.

What do you do when you get angry?

Well, last week my next door neighbor borrowed my lawnmower and didn't give it back. So, I broke in his house, had sex with his wife, and took it back.

Why did you have sex with his wife?

She was home.


Don't you know right from wrong?

Now see, I-AM-A-WEREWOLF...Do I look like I'm gonna do your taxes? That's a nice tie...give it to me! Give it to me!

Here take it!

See, that's what I'm talking about. You're about to give me that ugly ass tie and all I had to do was raise my voice and look at ya'. That's fear, brother. And that's what a werewolf does. If you see one of us, we are gonna kill ya'. And if you see a pack of us, you're already dead.

That is the best way to make a horror film.

Speaking of horror, you wanna stay for dinner? I can't stand my wife's lasagna.

Sure. And thanks again for the interview.

Don't thank me yet...you haven't had her lasagna.