Wednesday, June 22, 2016

"Conspiracy Theory" with Frank Finkle (John Titor)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

I'm Frank Finkle and this is my Conspiracy Theory.
Was there a time traveler in America going by the name of JOHN TITOR?
Now, myself personally, I want to believe there was a man who came from the year 2038 to get his great grandfather's IBM computer to stop the Y2K virus.

Oh, brother. What kind of show is this?



Sorry, Buzz. Our guest today is star of the movie Toy Story, Buzz Lightyear!

Thank you, thank you, everyone stay seated.


Now, Buzz...what is your take on John Titor?

You mean, besides the fact that everything about this guy sounds made up?
He's from the future, huh?


Yes. He was interviewed on a chat room in 1998 and took questions explaining everything. And I have the pictures of the time machine right here, see...


Where's the on switch?

What?

Who made it? Where was it made? And a better question...you say he took pictures of his time machine?

Yeah?


Where's the pictures of him?
You mean, he traveled all the way from the future to tell a bunch of idiots on the internet that he exist. He takes pictures of his machine, tells you how it works in vague details, but in all that time, doesn't take a record himself on video or takes so much as a selfie?

I know this sounds like a hoax.

I wish we had a scientist with an opinion about this.

Hello, I have an opinion.

Oh, Hi. It's Professor Michio Kaku.

You see, to even announce you are from the future would be to alter the linear time line. Even if there are an infinite number of realities, you will be linked to just one, your own. And once you tell people you have for-knowledge of what is to come, then industries and governments would find you to ask questions.
And your answers would alter history.

He said there's going to be a Civil War and a nuclear explosion.

In what city?

He didn't say.

That's odd, in America we remember little things like that. The Alamo, Oklahoma City, Ferguson, 9/11...why did he stop in 1998 again?

To get a IBM computer from 1975.

Technology? Such simply obsolete technology can be found anywhere. There are pawn shops and museums. And foreign countries still using our technology who might can find a 1975 IBM computer. Even if they couldn't, they could just recreate one.

Thank you Professor.

So, what am I chopped liver now?


And thank you, Buzz Lightyear for coming on the show.
And be sure to try Maury's House Of Bagels...when you think Maury, think bagels.

Seriously, what kind of show is this?

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