"Breaking News: The Ides Of March has just come in. And we have TRUMP'S TAX RETURNS."
No you don't.
"Yes, we have the entire year of 2005 tax returns."
No you don't.
"Ok, we have 2 pages of the year of 2005 tax returns."
Yes...go on.
"We have all the information you need to know about Trump and now YOU PEOPLE in the MEDIA will SHUT UP about all the things Trump wants to do."
No they won't. Those two pages doesn't tell you about WHERE he got all his money from. Those tax returns should be 100 pages long.
"Ah...let me pass you off, I mean, hand this over to the anchor in New York, New Newsman....Hello, New?"
"It is I, New Newsman! I will answer all your questions at the top of the hour."
Ok, who leaked these tax returns?
"Well, it was NOT Trump himself. We know that for a fact, because he refused to release his tax returns in the first place."
But, what if it was? That would explain why a Trump book biographer was the one who received the two pages in his mailbox.
"No, no, no, that would mean that Trump was trying to divert the media's attention away from other topics in the news we're talking about."
Healthcare, the Russians, Microwave ovens, saying Obama wire tapped Trump Tower?
"I was going to say his golf game, but....yeah, those too."
This is going to be a long week, would you like a bagel from Maury's House of Bagels?
"I don't mind if I do."
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