Tuesday, August 16, 2016

"Conspiracy Theory" with I Dream Of Jeannie (Fort Knox)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*

Listen fellas, I know the show revolved around a woman calling me 'Master' and I kept her in a bottle most of the time. But, America was a different time back then.
Let me tell you a Conspiracy Theory about how this all happened, ok?


Jeannie and I got into an argument and she, by accident, made half of all the GOLD in FORT KNOX disappear. And replaced it all with gold coated Tungsten to fool the rest of the world that it's real.


"Let me interrupt my master, he wanted to keep all the gold to himself. So, I did what he wished for me to do."


Now, normally I would've had Jeannie put it all back, you see, but President Nixon took America off the gold standard around about the same time and I didn't see any need in upsetting the delicate economic structure.


"What he really wanted me to do is make the world believe America really has the amount of gold they tell them they have so the world never ask to have their gold in their country. Because the gold doesn't exist."


After some time, of course, we'll all realize this was all a funny misunderstanding.


"And one time, America sent China 500 pounds of tungsten bricks coated in gold and the Chinese found out and complained. But, I made it all disappear from the news."


So, I guess we'll all best be on our way.


"And POOF we were back home in Washington DC. Where even though I was an illegal alien capable of supernatural powers, my master never thought it was a problem that someone like me should be so close to the nation's nuclear secrets.
So one day, I turned my master into a frog and ate him...the end."


"Because I'm a Jin. I'm evil...look it up. We kill people and eat them, that's what we do."


But, what about the gold, Jeannie?


"I kept it. There's some gold in Fort Knox...but it's mostly tungsten fake gold. Don't tell anybody."



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